Changes

When you decide that you will move forward in your life in a new direction not necessarily with in the relationship but you personally changing your path. I decided to change my path and I don’t know why but I don’t know why I have not done it before now. I love my fashion stuff and I still designing clothes but my true passion my whole life has been art (paint, pastels, etc…) and I feel like the last piece of my puzzle Is in its place and I know this a polyamory blog but if you don’t have your own life away from the rest of your triad your triad will fall apart. Every one needs to have their own personal hobbies and I guess you could say their own life. The boys have their hobbies and life away from me and I encourage it. My love of art have been on my life since I was little but about 7 years ago I had a bad trauma in my life and I just didn’t have the spirit for it anymore. I felt that no matter what I did I felt like something was missing from it and I would leave projects half finished. When I felt I was comfortable place with my life and my relationships I started feeling like I could start slowly and see where my art took me and it make feel complete, like everything was in my life was balanced. My relationships are going smoothly and I making progress in other parts of my life through my art. I hope that all the people that read this blog gets something good out of the blog.

-3isnotacrowd

New Territory

When you are moving progressively forward in a polyamorous relationship it can get scary and harder to navigate through new territory. In my case the relationship with N and G is going well but with N it’s moving slowly which is perfectly okay with me but its not something I’m used to to doing. I’m used to moving in the main stride of the relationship quickly and then just kinda roll with the rest. N is having to guide me through a slower relationship and also remembering that slower isn’t bad . When we hang out its nice to just hang out and talk about whatever is on our minds getting to know each other more and more every day. I know that once it gets moving it will go really fast and I like that, I know N and G can go with it too.
-3isnotacrowd

Processors mistakes

When you leave a relationship and it ends badly you take that emotional baggage and you take with you into your new relationship that’s just way it is most of the time. In my case I have a lot of emotional baggage from my past that my boys are paying for, it sucks and I feel guilt for putting them though it. They are wonderful and just roll with it and I love them for it. I trust the boys with all my heart and I trust with my life,heart, and well being but I still have these hang up that affect my emotional balance with them. They are the greatest and I know they aren’t going anywhere and even I pushed them away they still wouldn’t go anywhere. If I need assurance because of the emotional baggage of my past they give it to me as many times as I need it. They are wonderful and they also some emotional baggage too and I do my best to deal with their baggage but I will admit I don’t deal with it all the greatest. I love my boys very much and I’m so glad they have blessed my life and will continue to bless my life.
-3isnotacrowd

6 months and going strong

So I’ve now been in a triad relationship for 6 months and still going on strong. I thought that it would slow down once everyone got “comfortable” but it hasn’t and I love it. With G it has less stress because he has an outlet to just be with N as a friend and/or a boyfriend but not required to be either. I can be hot and heavy with N all the time we spend to get here because we aren’t together all the time, we still talk every day but if we don’t talk until the evening it’s not a huge deal. I don’t worry that there is something wrong I’m more confident and so is N and G. We work through disasters in our lives as a team and it doesn’t seem all that bad because we have each other to depend on and lean on. Lately I have been have some unusual medical things and N and G have been there 100% and the stress from all of that seems to have made us stronger in some weird way.
-3isnotacrowd

Going to the art show

I went to a group of art shows in the town I live in and I went with N. when we got to first gallery I noticed right away this artist’s work I really liked on the wall, I also noticed I was being stared at by a complete stranger. At first I thought I was being paranoid I don’t do so well in public, but then I moved to another part of the gallery and once again the man was right behind me staring at me. I really got uncomfortable but still didn’t think much of it and left to go to another gallery. I stopped in at a art supply store and picked up a new sketch pad and I was making a decision about size and once again the man was right behind me and he said “you should get the bigger one” I was very surprised and obviously freaked out I bought the sketch book and quickly left. N and decided to go for a little walk away from the galleries to relieve some of my paranoia we went to another gallery a couple of blocks up the street and I was looking closely at some art and bumped into the same guy that had been following me all night which I had noticed walk into the gallery right behind me. I was really freaked out and held N very close we went to a couple of other galleries and went home. I still can’t figure out why this guy kept following me around but I haven’t seen the man since so I don’t know.

-3isnotacrowd

boundaries

When you have a new relationship you have to make new boundaries sexual, I had to make a new set of boundaries with N and adjust the boundaries with G. It was unusual for me because if I haven’t said before this is the first full poly relationship I have had, I had a monogamous relationship with a bootie call on the side. I also never had a partner with so much natural talent with not a lot of personal experience, so ground rules never had to be spelled out. I drew the line in sand and N handled it perfectly which in a weird way surprised me but didn’t at the same time. I have a way out there line but it is very clean cut if you get what I mean.
When I talk about other line I have in my personal life the line isn’t as cut and dry but because N and G and I all started as friends it didn’t needed to be defined thank my lucky stars to that. What I mean by my personal line is where I want my life to go marriage, kids, professional goals, etc. We still talk about those things regularly in other contexts but not really needing to spell it out all the details.

-3isnotacrowd

Fear from the past

When you have just one partner you have to worry about their past pain effecting the current relationship on both sides. When you have two partners that obviously doubles but the great thing about having two partners that we can work on those fears as a team by having insight from an outside point of view and less raw emotion. With G’s case he’s been hurt from more just women over the years and just being with me for a solid 3 years is a giant step in a good way before me and G before me he would break up and make and also break up without giving it a true chance to go anywhere. With N he stays with a person no matter what for way too long. I don’t have bitterness toward my boyfriends’ exes I can’t be that naive that my I’m my boyfriends’ first but I do have issues with the pain they caused them and how if effects me and our current relationship. I have my own baggage but I try to keep it hidden at least most of the time. My boyfriends aren’t naive and they know that I have baggage and sometimes I have to small amounts of crazy out. The trust issues I have towards both of them are gone (like 99% )because we have talked through them all and we have agreements in place for new issues when they come up. I love them so much and we prove that to each other by talking things out which some subjects that are not easy but sometimes in a relationship you have talk about things you may not want to but you know it necessary to progress.

-3isnotacrowd