So I’ve now been in a triad relationship for 6 months and still going on strong. I thought that it would slow down once everyone got “comfortable” but it hasn’t and I love it. With G it has less stress because he has an outlet to just be with N as a friend and/or a boyfriend but not required to be either. I can be hot and heavy with N all the time we spend to get here because we aren’t together all the time, we still talk every day but if we don’t talk until the evening it’s not a huge deal. I don’t worry that there is something wrong I’m more confident and so is N and G. We work through disasters in our lives as a team and it doesn’t seem all that bad because we have each other to depend on and lean on. Lately I have been have some unusual medical things and N and G have been there 100% and the stress from all of that seems to have made us stronger in some weird way.
-3isnotacrowd
Going to the art show
I went to a group of art shows in the town I live in and I went with N. when we got to first gallery I noticed right away this artist’s work I really liked on the wall, I also noticed I was being stared at by a complete stranger. At first I thought I was being paranoid I don’t do so well in public, but then I moved to another part of the gallery and once again the man was right behind me staring at me. I really got uncomfortable but still didn’t think much of it and left to go to another gallery. I stopped in at a art supply store and picked up a new sketch pad and I was making a decision about size and once again the man was right behind me and he said “you should get the bigger one” I was very surprised and obviously freaked out I bought the sketch book and quickly left. N and decided to go for a little walk away from the galleries to relieve some of my paranoia we went to another gallery a couple of blocks up the street and I was looking closely at some art and bumped into the same guy that had been following me all night which I had noticed walk into the gallery right behind me. I was really freaked out and held N very close we went to a couple of other galleries and went home. I still can’t figure out why this guy kept following me around but I haven’t seen the man since so I don’t know.
-3isnotacrowd
boundaries
When you have a new relationship you have to make new boundaries sexual, I had to make a new set of boundaries with N and adjust the boundaries with G. It was unusual for me because if I haven’t said before this is the first full poly relationship I have had, I had a monogamous relationship with a bootie call on the side. I also never had a partner with so much natural talent with not a lot of personal experience, so ground rules never had to be spelled out. I drew the line in sand and N handled it perfectly which in a weird way surprised me but didn’t at the same time. I have a way out there line but it is very clean cut if you get what I mean.
When I talk about other line I have in my personal life the line isn’t as cut and dry but because N and G and I all started as friends it didn’t needed to be defined thank my lucky stars to that. What I mean by my personal line is where I want my life to go marriage, kids, professional goals, etc. We still talk about those things regularly in other contexts but not really needing to spell it out all the details.
-3isnotacrowd
Fear from the past
When you have just one partner you have to worry about their past pain effecting the current relationship on both sides. When you have two partners that obviously doubles but the great thing about having two partners that we can work on those fears as a team by having insight from an outside point of view and less raw emotion. With G’s case he’s been hurt from more just women over the years and just being with me for a solid 3 years is a giant step in a good way before me and G before me he would break up and make and also break up without giving it a true chance to go anywhere. With N he stays with a person no matter what for way too long. I don’t have bitterness toward my boyfriends’ exes I can’t be that naive that my I’m my boyfriends’ first but I do have issues with the pain they caused them and how if effects me and our current relationship. I have my own baggage but I try to keep it hidden at least most of the time. My boyfriends aren’t naive and they know that I have baggage and sometimes I have to small amounts of crazy out. The trust issues I have towards both of them are gone (like 99% )because we have talked through them all and we have agreements in place for new issues when they come up. I love them so much and we prove that to each other by talking things out which some subjects that are not easy but sometimes in a relationship you have talk about things you may not want to but you know it necessary to progress.
-3isnotacrowd
N and I’s first date
I had a first date with N last week and we went to dinner and a funk/techno concert. I was really nice he came and picked me up like a gentlemen and he looked amazing as usual, and I looked hot (at least N said so and I’m going with it ). We walked downtown which was really nice and talked nothing special but still nice and the whole time held my hand, it was sweet. We had Italian food and just talked no rush no watching the clock it was nice. We went to the concert and I got nervous about the women in the room, the lack of clothing in the room was astonished and they were looking at N but all that N could only see was me. When he was staring at me I was sooooo happy the room was dark because all I was doing was blushing. I tried to chicken out but N showed me that the room that was filled with women he wasn’t even interested in looking at and we had fun dancing, laughing, kissing (I had to say that surprised me the most but I loved it) and then we walked home and watched a movie which was really fun because we got to hang out as a triad for at least a little while. He gave me a goodnight kiss and he went home for the night. I had a lot of fun and we are going to again very soon.
-3isnotacrowd
my everyday life (sort of )
my everyday is kinda crazy because of being a mom and also being a gf of two partners, especially when one of my partners N doesn’t live with us. My day starts with the normal-ish mom stuff of sending the small one to school and then the boys to work and then i just do my art and now write my blog… i wish it was that easy all day long usually i have at least 10 phone calls a day about crazy things like M being crazy at school and G and N asking me to either write stuff down (they have phones with notepads) or find parts that i have no idea where to start to look for them and never have known. Then I have to go get M from school and then providers for helping with autism come and we have them until dinner. Then G comes home and makes dinner and i would normally start on my art finally but then I (for some reason) get pulled into a different direction and have to stop. Then usually after dinner bath, homework (both usually a battle with M) and then sleep for M. Finally we have dark and my own time but 3 to 4 dys a week N is at the house and I spend time with him.
The acceptance from family
When I decided to pursue this relationship past the friendship level I don’t have the greatest relationship with either N and G’s families because of completely different reasons. I was a jerk to N’s family and G’s family is crazy so that one wasn’t my fault and G agrees with me, and he also says it probably wasn’t avoidable either his family would have found some fault with me eventually. With N’s family they are wonderful people who are fully accepting of our relationship with both me and G but I personally don’t have a great relationship with them because of my horrible behaviors and actions toward them 3 years ago when I was first started being friends with N. My own family accepts my polyamorous relationship is but I’m not sure why they do because of my new found relationship with them. Apparently my parents had the same type of relationship when I was a child so at least I know where I get it from. I worry how my blog effects effects certain people in our families but I also know that you have to go pretty far extent to find it if that’s not what you were looking for and then would have to know me very well to decipher the details about their family member. If I need or want to delete a post I can because someone gets bothered or uncomfortable about something I write. I want to make sure that my blog isn’t making the people close to me or close to my boyfriends upset. I don’t really care what the everyday world thinks of what I write because If they don’t like it they don’t have to read it or stop reading it. I hope I don’t offend in the everyday world by my worlds but if I do sorry in advance.
-3isnotacrowd
The future (the good,bad,and the ugly)
In a relationship with just love and mutual respect is just fine but if you don’t look at the other things too like financial issues, children, and general wishes for life then in my opinion you are living in a fairy tale. Don’t get me wrong I’m not saying you have to talk about that things every day but it needs to talk about it at least once or twice depending on the type of polyamorous relationship you have. In my relationship the big issue that lays ahead for us is children and the problems and issues they may happen having 3 parents instead of two. In most legal aspects one “parent” has to be left out of the equation for obvious reasons that one of the parents isn’t biologically related to the child. You also have to look at the financial future of your family and I strongly believe in the prenuptial agreement of some kind for any couple married or not, polyamorous or not. You don’t want to exit a relationship and have hatred for the other person or people because of money nothing more than money. When you have children and you have hatred for the another person that creates lots of issues for them (the children) later in life, I know this from personal experience. If you go about even in a monogamous relationship without that chat about the good,bad,and ugly you will have great pain and consequences later and you never know until its too late who it will truly effect.
I never thought that I would be that person to tell others about my personal opinion about beliefs, relationships and other things on my mind without being asked first. I found that people don’t know to ask if you keep your personal life very close to the vest. So I decided to leave names out of it and tell people my thoughts to maybe help others going through some of the issues they may be going through in their own private life they keep close to the vest. I’m still trying to learn my way through WordPress so if you have comments, or questions let me know and I will do my best to respond and/or answer anything I can just know I will not answer things about my personal life like names, where I live and things really close to my heart…I hope you get what I mean.
-3isnotacrowd
Holiday Traditions
When it comes to family traditions specifically in my family they are kinda all over the map because I moved around a lot in different family circles ( dad, mom, stepparents) and also being an adult and creating my own especially now with M. My boyfriends are still really close with their families and their traditions and lack of traditions. I want to make our own traditions that mix mine, theirs and their families. This is the first holiday season together and I want to make sure nobody’s traditions get stepped on and M gets a great holiday too. Having only 24 hours in a day and obviously need to time to sleep, travel, and cook, shop… You get the drift and having 3 families to contend with it get very complicated very quickly. G’s family traditions are very normal and my mine are the exact opposite and I’m not really sure quite what all of N’s are. My issues with my own family are still so very raw I want to renew some of my childhood traditions for M but I haven’t done them for so long I don’t know if I can without being inconsiderate to the other members of my new family. I wish I could slow down or repeat those days so everyone can get their traditions met. I’m glad that some of my Christmas stuff takes place on Christmas Eve. I have a great day planner program so I know I will be able to get most of things for the holidays accomplished… No matter how stressful they may be.
-3isnotacrowd
Guilt
Being in a relationship with two other people especially two very different people that were raised two completely ways. I was raised where guilt wasn’t a big issue in every day life, but my two boys it was a part of everyday life in very different ways. G it was used to keep him on an obligation leash to keep him involved with his family and preventing him from growing up. N’s guilt is his guilt not his families’ guilt he wants to have his cake by having an adult life and be a great son too (by the way he’s a great son they both are). I want to reassure them that they don’t need to feel guilt specifically around or about me, I understand they can’t just snap their fingers and their own guilt issues will go away I just don’t want to give them more guilt issues. I want to make sure that I will be supportive for them no matter what but guilt is just of the few feelings I just don’t understand personally so I can’t help except hold their hands and be there to support them. I want to get past some of my own issues not having to do with guilt but I don’t want to put too many of my own issues on them all at once because I CAN’T overwhelm them I have a whole lifetime to do that. I know sometimes I get too paranoid about worrying them but that’s just my nature. I worry about worrying them and they about worrying me, is that paranoia or love.
-3isnotacrowd
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